The last thing I ever wanted to write...

I knew things hadn't been going well for a few weeks. Barry was distant and it seemed liked he had too much on his mind. For the millionth time I wished I was a telepath, like him. I asked him what was going on and each time it seemed as though he distracted me. I admit, each of Barry's kisses and every touch just wipes away all thought. Lately his kisses had become more urgent, even rough, and while I'd never been one to shy away from raucous sex, it worried me. He was gone so many late nights between the hotel and "secret" meetings with Stan, that I was not allowed to know anything about. How frustrating. But what right did I have to complain? It wasn't as though we were married, and being the telepath for a vampire king was an honor. I couldn't expect to always be included.

But the secrecy had me worried....

He came home late that night. As usual, I had dinner ready in the kitchen and for the life of me, I can't remember what it was now. When I heard the door, I'd rushed to meet him. His face was pale, and his eyes were red. He looked exhausted, yet his eyes were blazing with a look I'd never seen before. "Barry...what's wrong?" Ignoring my words, he took a step towards me, wrapping his arms around me tightly, too tightly. My chest ached and it hurt to breathe, I had to push on him to break the hug. "Barry, you're hurting me!" Finally, he released me and I sucked in air. Still he hadn't said anything. "You're scaring me, B. What's going on?" He took my hand and led me into the living room and sat down, pulling me to sit next to him. I remembering thinking: This is bad. This is really, really bad. A knot had grown in my middle, feeling like an anchor sinking me down. He held my hand and I stared at it. When he spoke, his voice was rough, sounding unfamiliar and coarse.

"Stan is sending me away, Sug'. He needs me to go overseas, I can't tell ya where. But ya can't come with Evelyn." At first I was angry, and I snapped back "What do you mean I can't come? That's ridiculous. I go where you go." His eyes never left mine while he talked "No, ya can't. I have orders from Stan to go alone. It's too dangerous for you to come with and ya need to move in with the Nest. I already put Taylor into hiding."
I yanked my hand away, and stood up, feeling hysterical as I yelled back at him. "You sent our daughter away? Where? Without telling me? How long are you going to be gone, Barry!"

Here he looked away and my eyes filled with tears at his words. "Permanently". I stood in shock, staring at him while my vision got cloudy, my mind reeling with his words. They rang over and over in my head and I sat where I stood on the ground, looking up at him. "You're leaving me? Forever? Barry... you're breaking up with me?" Without meeting my gaze, he nodded. "Sug... this is that last thing I want to do but I have no choice. I'm not going to make you wait around for possibly years for me." He stood, and pulled his arms around me, holding me while I sobbed, telling me that he loved me, and that it was for the best. I barely heard him through my racking sobs, and before I knew it he was packing up a suitcase and walking out the door, leaving me alone in his house that I had known as my home...

To my friends:

Special shoutouts to those I love, in no order!

D- Thank you so much for the time we had together. You brought me back to RP and made me SO freaking happy here. You're a fantastic person, and I love you hon. I understand about the schedules and I hope you know that. You'll always be my friend, and I really hope we stay in contact. We have so much in common and I'll always remember the many late nights spent text messaging. You gave me my best months on twitter, and in Evelyn's life. Thank you, so much! http://blip.fm/~xt035

Mempf- You're my RL bestie and you KNOW I love you. I'm so glad you came to the RP world with me. It's not the first online community we've joined. *grin* I can't wait until we live closer! We've had our RL and RP ups and downs, but through it all, you'll always be my, and Evelyn's best friend! http://blip.fm/~xt05c

Sookie- You came out of no where girl! And you command this place. People respect you as a leader and enjoy your RP. You're fantastic and I'm so glad Barry got the wrong @ those months ago because I'm so grateful to have you as a friend. I love that we can tell each other practically anything and that you can vent to me, and I can vent to you. You're amazing, so keep up the good work hon! http://blip.fm/~xt0yr

Jai- JAI! I don't even know what to say to you because you're so amazing. I'm ecstatic that you're my friend, and I hate our timezone difference! We've had some hilarious moments here (*stab stab stab*) and I'm glad we can talk about darn near anything, be it RL or RP. I know sometimes around here things suck, and it's like a mobius strip but it always loops back around and the highs are great, and the lows are worse. I hope that you can get your groove back because I know Evelyn misses you! http://blip.fm/~xsyau

M- We've just started RPing together but you should I think you're pretty awesome! I love that you let me do what I want and we can play so well off each other. You're clever and smart and fun to talk to, and I hope we stay this way! http://blip.fm/~xt1mj

Liv- I think it's funny that you and I are such good friends, yet Liv and Eve have never actually met! You're my longest friend on here and you're right, we've been through a lot, and yet still remain so close. You are inspirational and all RPers should strive to be like you. You are drama-free, and have ingenious story lines and ideas. I know RL has kept you away, and for that I'm happy for you! I'm glad you have so much good going on, even if I miss you terribly! http://blip.fm/~xt0gc

Ben- I'm sorry that things worked out this way, but know that I'm glad for the time we had, and I will miss you. http://blip.fm/~xt16z

Murf- You are a creative RPer and I'm glad you and I have been friends for as long as we have! We've had some really funny times (Where's my money!) and I know drama has been high lately for your family, but I hope we can still be friends! http://blip.fm/~xsydv

Sassy- I miss my vampy kisses, Sass! I'm going to try to be on more often, but I do love to watch you and Zen! *blows witchy kisses* http://blip.fm/~xt0qj

Cyndi, Bree & Jason, Trispirit, Tabs & Ana, Pixie, Hadley & Matt, Bubba, Gabe- I've missed you all lately but know that I still consider you my friend and I hope we can talk more often! I love watching all of your story lines, so please keep up the good work! http://blip.fm/~xsyc0

Please don't take offense if I missed you. There are tons of others who I enjoy watching on stream because, lets face it, we're all awesome!

Closure

In an act of good faith, in order to let go of past drama and hurt, I've unblocked anyone I can think of. I've slowly been unblocking over the last months and I think I may have gotten everyone but it's possible I've missed a few. If I've missed some one, and you know a way to get in contact with me and would like to be unblocked, please let me know.

Having said that... Ever since Evelyn moved to Texas 3 months ago she's been 100% drama free. I intend to keep it that way, so if I've unblocked you, and you still would like to cause trouble-- don't. Re-blocking is easy but I want to rebuild bridges if it's possible.

The Story of Eve

Where to start? Well, why not from the beginning. On the edge of my one year anniversary as Evelyn, I'd like to tell the story about who I am, and how I came to be.

I've been on Twitter for 19 months, and started RPing soon after. I honestly can't remember where I learned about Twitter since some celebrities were on it at the time, but not as many as there are now. I do know I started because I had, at the time, a crush on Robert Pattinson (it was my young and stupid days *wink*) and when I found a fake account of "his", and saw him talking to a Bella, I learned about twitter RP.

I joined a Twilight roleplay group and became addicted. Spent many late nights pretending to be characters out of the young adult series. But as many of us have learned, trying to work within the confines of a book character is very constricting and stifling to the creative vibe. Within a few months, I'd expanded out into other universes, until I found TrueBlood RP. I started off as a vampire but since I hadn't watched a single episode of Trueblood or read any of the books, I was always messing up. So I started back over as a human, a naive human who'd had little interaction with vampires, and began to learn the rules and etiquette. Now I'm up to date on all the books and episodes.

My human character lasted for only a few months before I got bored so I created someone new. I knew I wanted to be a witch but after reading the books, they hadn't explained much about where Amelia Broadway was drawing her magic from. They touched briefly on the Wiccan religion, which I know nothing about. So it made it difficult to play that character. I decided to integrate a different series to fill in the holes Charlaine Harris had. This is why Evelyn is a mix of the Trueblood roleplay, and Kim Harrison's Hallows series. The way I rationalized it in my head was Evelyn is a Harrison witch, living in the Harris world.

Here's her abilities:
Evelyn draws her energy from ley lines, which she can either balance herself by pulling it out of her, or spindling it in her head and using it later. I wanted to keep her from being all powerful, so I gave her limitations. She can't hold energy over or in water where she's not touching the ground, or an extension of it. For instance, on a boat or swimming in a pool, she can't, but bathing in a tub she can. She can't manipulate technology, and salt water dissolves any spells she is carrying.

Originally, Evelyn was an independent runner, who recovered kidnapped kids, etc etc. But without clients, it got boring. I'd read in the Harrison books that the main character went to a charm shop and that's how I came up with SouthernCharms By Evelyn. From there I went through my old Dungeons and Dragons books, Harry Potter spells, and the Harrison novels for spell ideas. (I have about 50 charms I need to add to the site, but have just been too busy, or lazy haha, to do it)

So that's Evelyn Dawn Valmont. In the last year, she was married, turned into a vampire, then a demon, then an angel, and now an adoptive mom. Full circle, right?

Jar of Hearts

No I can't take one more step towards you
Cause all that's waiting is regret
And don't you know I'm not your ghost anymore
You lost the love I loved the most

I learned to live half alive
And now you want me one more time

And who do you think you are
Running around leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don't come back for me
Who do you think you are

I hear you're asking all around
If I am anywhere to be found
But I have grown too strong
To ever fall back in your arms

I learned to live half alive
And now you want me one more time

And who do you think you are
Running around leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don't come back for me
Who do you think you are

And it took so long just to feel alright
Remember how to put back the light in my eyes
I wish I would have missed the first time that we kissed
Cause you broke all your promises
And now you're back
You don't get to get me back

And who do you think you are
Running around leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
Don't come back for me
Don't come back at all

And who do you think you are
Running around leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
Don't come back for me
Don't come back at all

Who do you think you are
Who do you think you are
Who do you think you are

I Hate You (My Friend) by John Oszajca

No one here likes you
Go away
Get a clue
Go back to your fucking zoo
Or whatever it is you do

I don't know why
I don't like what's in your eyes
and I'd love to split 'em wide

I could pretend
Can't you understand
I hate you, my friend

And some call it obsession
And some call it pure hate
And others call it pathetic
But some totally relate

I'd rather go to hell
Than shake your hand or wish you well
In case you couldn't tell

Go ahead boy drink your drink
Go ahead boy do your thing
Can you ????
and the words to every song I sing


I could pretend
Can't you understand
I hate you, my friend

And some call it obsession
And some call it pure hate
And others call it pathetic
But some totally relate

No one here likes you
Go away
Get a clue
Go back to your fucking zoo
Or whatever it is you do

I could pretend
Can't you understand
I hate you, my friend

I hate you, my friend
I hate you, my friend

IT'S NOT ME

Give it a rest already. Get a new hobby. Fuck with a new person, and leave me alone.

Y'all are dead to me. You never existed. MEANING if someone answers a poll question with a response that you know shouldn't have been on there in the first place, it wasn't me.

If someone says something to you about me, IT'S NOT ME.

If someone asks a question on a formspring, or makes a comment on a tweet, or ANYTHING ELSE, IT'S NOT ME.

Get it?

And before you retaliate, it's not Oz either. He's not on twitter anymore. Believe me, or don't, I honestly don't care. But leave my real life out of it. It's no one's business. Roleplay is about escaping real life so please, shut the fuck up already.

Looking Forward

Much to many's dismay, and others jubilation, I have decided to return. But I've set limitations on my character. For starters, I went through my followers and removed those who have betrayed or hurt me, or those close to them. It's possible if you play a multiple character, I've missed you, so I am sure there are many reading this who I'd rather didn't. I don't want to be a target for jokes and slander anymore. I ask if you have an issue with me, just don't follow. Leave me alone and let me be, because I won't have it.

Having said that, any history Evelyn has had with those individuals is null and void. Her relationships with Emanuel, or Silas/Severus never existed. I didn't sleep with any of their group. I never sold or gave any charms to those I blocked, and I have no memory of them.

There is going to be some changes for Evelyn, which really are for the better. She's still moving on from her breakup with Oswald, so will sometimes be melancholy and miss him, as that's just life. He's a special guy, but for OOC reasons between us, he won't be returning anytime soon.

I know people talk badly about me. I know there are truths, and many lies floating around stream about me. But if you're going to believe any of it without checking out the facts, then you probably weren't a good friend to me in the first place, and I ask that you leave me be. I'll keep my real friends, who I love so much. Really, it's because of them that I'm staying. I love you! You know who you are and how important you are to me, so thank you for sticking through it, and bringing me back. You can make real friendships here, even if it's behind a celebrity face and it took me a few days to realize it. I'm sorry if I've put anyone out by my abrupt departure and hopefully we can move on from this as if it never happened.

The End

I appreciate the friends I've made here, but I've decided to leave twitter RP. I've been on here for over a year and I've made some good friends, but lately the drama has consumed me. I can't escape it. There are people who intentionally set out to hurt me. Became close to me, let me trust them, when all along their ultimate plan was to mess with me. They succeeded, and I now I can't trust anyone.

Thank you to those who supported Evelyn's storylines. I especially loved how people took to my spells. It was fun, but in the end, we'll all leave sometime, right? Now's my time. I won't be creating any other characters, as I had in the past, but hanging up my RP saddle.

*blows a kiss* Goodbye, friends, frenemies, and heartless bitches.

*bows and exits stage right*

Final Goodbyes

I woke up in the pool, struggling to climb out, feeling at first white hot pain, followed by the cool, calming sensation of being made whole again. I was confused as I pulled myself out and laid by the pool, trying hard to catch my breath. Jai ran out, followed by Ozzy and to see him back, not under Minias's control made my eyes water.

Suddenly, all my memories came crashing back front and center to my brain. I remembered cursing my friends, and then, in horror, I remembered stabbing Oz in the stomach. Words started babbling through my lips, apologies on top of apologies, but...something was off. Oz didn't want to hold me, he didn't seem to be happy that I was back. He instead comforted Jai. His arms were around JAI. His look of concern, worry, of LOVE, was at JAI. Even though I was whole and my soul was intact, I broke. I could do nothing but helplessly watch them leave...together. I went back inside, to the shambles that my life had become and cried...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I later learned that Oz wasn't free, and that he was only here because Minias had been put in jail in the Ever After. All of his powers had been stripped and he was trapped there. But he still had control over Oz's entire family. I knew Minias was at his most vulnerable state, and if he were to be killed, now would be the time to do it. So I started to plan...

I researched the Demonomicon, for anything that would kill a demon, and learned a special blade would destroy his body. I closed my eyes, letting tears fall down as the realization of what would happen to me when Minias died settled in. His blood flowed through my veins, our connection was through a demon blood. If he was destroyed, then so would I be.

It didn't matter. I wouldn't let it. For all that Oz had done for me, for the pain I caused him when I stabbed him, both physical and emotional, he deserved to be free. I did not believe I deserved to die, but I knew I loved him with all my heart and his life was worth more than mine.

The night proceeding my trip into the Ever After, Jai called me. She said she needed to talk, so I met her in France, at a cute Paris bistro. She told me she suspected Oz was in love with me, that she felt it even though he wasn't even aware. That little bit of information gave me peace, and solidified my plans. I told her she needed to be there for him, and she complied, though I didn't tell her why he would need her. I didn't doubt that she would make him happy after I was gone. She was a good friend to me, and I knew at least a part of him loved her, and that part would grow. They would be happy.

I returned home, and wrote down a brief list of how my belongings should be separated. I didn't have much, but I made sure to give what I had to Oz, Memphis, Jai, and my mother and sister. On my wrist, I wore the bracelet from my mother, that was engraved with my name, needing her strength. I left Oz a letter (http://twitpic.com/1rg150) and packed my bag, full of candles, and protection spells before teleporting into the Ever After.

I arrived in an empty field, setting two circles strong circles before sitting down in the center. I had only once before summoned Minias, and that was when I cashed in on his favor to me, the one that brought me back to life, but I knew his full summoning name. Minias Dornban Wenoin. When I opened my eyes, he stood before me, his hands shackled by iron cuffs that I knew were enchanted. He could not move, but the smirk on his face showed he was not scared of me. No doubt he thought I had come to free him, but as I pulled the blade from my bag, he lost his smile. "You plan on killing me, little witch? You'll die too", he said, then laughed. But I knew that. I said so and I saw the understanding then fear flash over his face. I didn't make him wait long before driving the blade through his chest. His body fell to the ground, and instantly I felt my blood begin to boil, and in my head I heard his voice. He was possessing me, like I knew he would. I'd prepared a spell, and all it needed was a trigger word. I closed my eyes and held onto my aura, and the same time murmuring Latin. My body lit on fire from the inside out, I couldn't breathe, I couldn't think, all I could do was feel myself burn to ashes... And we died....

The black Abyss

Ahhh... Finally, the whiny, sentimental, uptight control freak was gone. Inside my head, I felt and saw nothing but what was mine for the taking. The world looked clear for the first time. I recognized who stood before me, and memories of our past, but I had no emotions towards them. Towards anyone. It was freeing. Liberating.

For my first act as my true self, I went to the pathetic charms shop and did a little redecorating. After torching the basic stock, I started anew and created numerous curses, fit to cause terror, confusion, and pain. Once my shelves were full, I set out to start my new image.

I enjoyed a few men, fondled a few women, let vampires sink their teeth in me, and stabbed a confused, pathetic shifter who claimed to love me, all within a few weeks. One particularly boring evening, I twisted a man and woman's morality, let the skies rain blood, sewed a goody-two-shoes lips shut, made a human man shift at the full moon, and plagued a woman's nightmares with demon-filled visions. All the while, I watched, fascinated, while they struggled to comprehend what had happened. Foolish. Never had I had such fun.

And then, my freedom came to a halt after the annoying shifter and self-righteous fairy stole my soul back from the demon Minias, returning it unwillingly to me...

The Demon's Game

Oswald and my trip into the Ever After was brief, but when we returned we both felt overwhelmed and couldn't meet each other's eyes. Yes, Minias had made Oz younger, but it wasn't from the goodness of his cold, disgusting heart. His ulterior motive was to breed a child from Oz and I. Since any child Oz had belonged to Minias, and my blood was the demon's blood, a baby born from us would be Minias' ultimate possession. I was revolted, and I refused to look at either of them when I teleported us out. Oz swore he had no idea that that had been Minias' plan from the beginning, but it didn't matter. The damage was done, and instead of seeing Oz as my best friend, I saw him as a spy, and I pushed him away.

Eventually, the shock wore off, and I realized it was not Oz's fault. I trusted he didn't know. Minias' sick plan was of his own creation and I knew Oz needed to be free of him. Oz was such a kind, warm person, so trusting so lovable, even after all he'd been through. I needed to do something for him.

So I went to the book we'd picked up in the Ever After, the Demonomicon, its meaning roughly translating into the The Book of Eternal Death. I knew to fight evil, you must think evil, and I scourged the book until I found what I hoped was it. A spell to break a powerful curse.

I prepared the spell during the day, collecting the components. I knew it was black magic. I knew it would make my white aura covered in smut and while I wished there was another way, I knew there wasn't. Oz had done so much for me, been there for my business, been there for me when my heart was broken by Severus... He was a true friend. His freedom was worth my tainted aura. Once dusk fell, I set the curse in motion, moving quickly. It would not take long for Minias to register what I was doing. I hoped I had enough time...but I was wrong.

Moments before I was able to finish the curse, Minias appeared, throwing his dark energy at me, paralyzing me. He reached inside me, and pulled away my soul. The pain was excruciating, as though every happy thought, ever emotion other then hate and anger, was ripped out of me.

But once my soul was gone...a new me emerged...

Now I know...

It’s like jumping, it’s like leaping
It’s like walking on the ceiling
It’s like floating, it’s like flying
Through the air
It’s like soaring, it’s like gliding
It’s a rocket ship you’re riding
It’s a feeling that can take you anywhere

So why they call it falling
Why they call it falling
Why they call it falling
I don’t know

There was passion, there was laughter
The first morning after
I just couldn’t get my feet to touch the ground
Everytime we were together
We talked about forever
I was certain it was Heaven
We had found

So why they call it falling
Why they call it falling
Why they call it falling
I don’t know

But you can’t live your life
Walking in the clouds
Sooner or later
You have to come down

It’s like a knife through the heart
When it all comes apart
It’s like someone takes a pin
To your balloon
It’s a hole, it’s a cave
It’s kinda like a grave
When he tells you that he’s found somebody new

So why they call it falling
Why they call it falling
Why they call it falling
Now I know
Now I know

And then came Oz...

After I was rescued by Memphis and Murphy, I was on edge. Scared of my shadow and constantly flinching when something startled me. I kept my house and shop under spell lockdown and compulsively looked behind me. I didn't sleep, and I didn't eat, and all the while I didn't hear from Severus. Not for the days of my imprisonment, and not for a week after.

So when I arrived home one night, and found a man in my living room... I panicked. Instead of handling it, I froze. He was a short man, pudgy all over, but with kind eyes. Though I didn't trust him, I let him speak. He told me he was a gift to me, from Minias. One who was a pet for me to test my magic on. The idea was appalling. How could Minias own living beings? The man, who was named Oswald, said Minias owned his entire family, for generations, because of a deal his ancestor had made. It disturbed me on many levels. Oswald was a shifter, but cursed to only shift into small animals. Rodents. And his previous owner had been a chef. An awful chef, who forced Oswald to create recipes for him, making him rich beyond his greatest desires. I took pity on Oswald, whom I called Ozzy, or Oz, and let him have one of the apartments above the charm shop, furnishing it and paying him for and work he did for me.

Minias sending me Oz was the greatest gift anyone could have given me. He became my best friend, second only to Memphis, with his easy going manner, witty humor, and inappropriate yet funny jokes. I started to depend on him, especially after Severus disappeared. The day Oz came into my life was the day Severus checked out of it, and with the hole Sev gave me, Ozzy filled.

On the night I finally let Severus go, Oz and I went to Vegas, and the poor guy sang karaoke with me. Together, we belted out some hardcore angry or sad songs. Afterward we drank the night away and got a room at Treasure Island, though, of course, nothing happened. But the next morning, Oz had changed. Physically he looked younger, thinner and... hot. After reconstructing the events, I found Minias was behind Oz's transformation, so him and I planned a trip into the Ever After...

Worthless...

It wasn't long after my trip from the Ever After that I was contacted by the Magister in Greece by way of letter. She informed me that Emanuel had died and I was to return to Greece and resume my place at the throne! Whirlwind of emotions went through me. I was angry that Emanuel had never made our divorce final, and upset that he'd met his final death. Though I felt no love for him any longer, I didn't wish him dead. But the most prevalent emotion I felt was disbelief that I was still considered the vampire Queen of Greece, when I no longer was a vampire.

I had planned on telling Severus about the letter on the day it came, but after he planned a romantic dinner on the roof, I chickened out. The evening was too perfect, and the setting too beautiful to waste on just disappointing news. So I kept it in. Then, when I went home the next day, I was attacked, kidnapped, knocked out and dragged off to a warehouse in Greece. I was awoken by a hideous vampire named Aniketos, and his magister, Malina. Bound by chains and sunk in a tank of water with only my head above it, I was helpless. Without a connection to the earth, I could not tap into a ley line. For three days...three long horrible days, Aniketos and Malina did unspeakable things to me. Tortured me, drank from me, beat me within an inch of my life, then forced me to drink Aniketos blood to heal, and bond me to him. Their plan was to force me to marry him, turn me back into a vampire, and then give him the title of King of Greece. I thought I would die. I begged to die. I wanted nothing more than each blow to the head, each bite to the neck, each broken bone, to just kill me. I cried for Memphis, and I cried for Severus... Three days I was tortured. On the night of the third day, Malina brought to me my sister, Kristin. Finally, I was broken. I bowed to them, letting them do what they wanted without fight. Malina performed the marriage ceremony in front of the vampires of Greece in the caste, and I was dragged away into my old bedroom I shared with Emanuel, prepared to be turned into a vampire, again.

And then it was as if my prayers had been answered. Memphis and Murphy teleported in, freeing me of my chains. Together, we staked Aniketos and Malina, and I pronounced Murphy King of Greece. He had saved my life, and Greece needed a ruler, so I saw him fit for the job. Memphis and I returned home, leaving Murphy in the castle.

His reign was short-lived however because no more than a day later, Emanuel returned to Greece, from an extended vacation. It seemed Aniketos and Malina were not prepared for this. Emanuel usurped Murphy, throwing him out of the castle. My torture, my pain, was for nothing...

Hate me...

I have to block out thoughts of you so I don't lose my head
They crawl in like a cockroach leaving babies in my bed
Dropping little reels of tape to remind me that I'm alone
Playing movies in my head that make a porno feel like home
There's a burning in my pride, a nervous bleeding in my brain
An ounce of peace is all I want for you. Will you never call again?
And will you never say that you love me just to put it in my face?
And will you never try to reach me? It is I that wanted space

Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you

I'm sober now for 3 whole months it's one accomplishment that you helped me with
The one thing that always tore us apart is the one thing I won't touch again
In a sick way I want to thank you for holding my head up late at night
While I was busy waging wars on myself, you were trying to stop the fight
You never doubted my warped opinions on things like suicidal hate
You made me compliment myself when it was way too hard to take
So I'll drive so fucking far away that I never cross your mind
And do whatever it takes in your heart to leave me behind

Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you

Hate me in ways
Yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you

And with a sad heart I say bye to you and wave
Kicking shadows on the street for every mistake that I had made
And like a baby boy I never was a man
Until I saw your blue eyes crying and I held your face in my hand
And then I fell down yelling "make it go away!"
Just make a smile come back and shine just like it used to be
And then she whispered "How can you do this to me?"

Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you

Hate me in ways
Yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you

My house

Understanding

For a moment, I could do nothing but stare into the light, mesmerized, then I yanked my hand back, staring at the floor, fighting back tears of hopelessness and rage. I balled my hands into tight fists, then looked Minias square in the eye. “You will remove this bond, demon, or so help me, I will remove it for you! I asked you to free me from Emanuel. That was our arrangement and nothing else. THIS was not a part of our agreement and therefore our previous contract is null and void and you OWE ME ONE FAVOR!” My voice was shrill and panicked, but Minias looked at me as though I was a child.

“Are you through with your tantrum? I have all day, make no mistake, but I grow bored of your outbursts. They get you in trouble far too often, little witch.” I detested the way he knew me, but I suppressed the urge to cross my arms over my chest and huff. I waited for him to continue. “I cannot remove a demon bond, it is beyond any beings power.” He smirked. “Unless you wish to die, because that can certainly be arranged.” I glared at him, my arms at my sides, fists still clenched, but said nothing. “Very well. As you wish. Then we will spend all of eternity with this bond.” His voice took on an irksome, dejected tone.

“Eternity?!” I practically choked. “I am not immortal, I am a witch!”

I could sense his impatience. “You hear, but you do not listen. You have demon blood inside of you. Which means,” he grabbed my chin, tipping it up to his face, and spoke slowly, “you have the lifespan of a demon. I did not say you were immortal- your human body is still as fragile as it ever was. But you will not age.” I pulled my face back angrily. I didn’t want to hear anymore. I wanted to get the hell out of the Ever After. He peered at my curiously. “Why did you come here? Another joy ride?” He smirked slightly, then frowned, obviously remembering my last ‘joy ride’ here happened to involve me saving his life.

I sighed, then explained to him my need for a familiar. He nodded while he listened, confirming my suspicions were right. When I was finished, he left the room, and I hesitated, unsure if I should follow. Before I could take my first step, he’d returned, holding a sphere the size of a magic 8 ball. He held it out to me, and I looked him over suspiciously before taking it. “What is it?”

“This is an energy sphere. More accurately, this is my energy sphere. I believe, as my bonded, you will be able to spindle your energy through it, and seize it’s force. It works as my familiar. I created it.” He lifted his head proudly. I looked at him, shocked. “You’re sharing this with me? Why?”

He sighed and shook his head, muttering, “I do not know. Just take it and leave the Ever After. If I need it, or you, I will call on you.” He frowned again. “Can you be summoned?”

I blinked. “Demons are summoned, and I’m not a demon…right?” He looked at me perplexed for a moment, then seemed to dismiss the thought. “Go now, Evelyn. Go back to your dimension and do NOT return to the Ever After until I call on you. Is that understood? If you are harmed, I am harmed, and I will not allow that.” He murmured more Latin, and I could feel the line energy spindle quickly into my head and I knew I could teleport. I nodded. “Thank you, Minias. For not letting me be sold, for the sphere, and for explaining it to me…” I watched him, confused, for tapping into the line and teleporting home, my hands grasping the energy sphere tightly.

Caught

I hear a voice before I wake. It is an angry voice, filled with adrenaline and aggression, and familiar. So familiar. My eyes pop open as I recognize him. Minias. Oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck…Why the fuck is Minias here? I squint, trying to see anything, but all around me is black. I have no choice but to listen to Minias, hoping to get an idea of where I am, and why. His words send shivers down my spine.

“Evelyn Dawn Valmont is mine! It is her blood inside of me and I therefore claim her. You filthy urchins have no right to sell her any more than I can sell you!”

I felt nauseous. I was Minias’? And if I wasn’t, I’d be SOLD?! To a demon? I tried to clutch my stomach, it hurt so badly, but my arms were trapped. I tried to look around, but my neck was bound. All around me was darkness. My eyes ran wildly in any direction, seeing nothing. I started to panic. My chest burned from trying to hold back my tears. I tried to teleport, and couldn’t. Again and again I tried to tap into a line and escape, each attempt sending me into further hyperventilation. I heard Minias speak again.

“Shut up you despicable creature. She is awake.” his voice took on an amused tone “And she is trying to escape.” I heard two sets of footsteps approach, one standing directly in front of me. Minias murmured a word in Latin I did not recognize, and suddenly I was released. Light shone in from all direction, and I collapsed on the floor, at Minias’ feet. Both hands pressed against the concrete floor, I slowly look up. Minias’ face wore a smirk that sent fear to my core.

“Good morning, Evelyn. How…nice of you to join us”. He looked down at me, his voice slightly singsong. Surprisingly, he reached down with one hand, grabbing me by my forearm, pulling me up quickly to my feet. “You will prove to this”, he sneered “gentleman that I am your maker and you will therefore not be sold in demon court”.

My voice trembled. “My maker? You turned me into a demon, Minias? You son of a bitch, you were only supposed to give me back my mortality!” I balled my fists up, punching at his face, but he dodged it stealthily, looking bored. He simply shook his head. “You cannot turn a witch into a demon, Evelyn. You are not a demon. I am your maker, as it is my blood inside you, but it is your witch’s body you possess, and therefore, you are a witch.” His words were contemptuous, he practically spat them out at me.

“I’m not a demon?” Relief washed over me, but it was brief. My stomach knotted up as his words sunk in. “But I am bound to you…aren’t I?” His nod was slow, deliberate, and full of meaning. “Yes, you are. Do not mistake me, I had no intention of creating a...” he paused and thought, then continued, “child. I was only aware of the connection myself when I could sense you search out a line, so close. I arrived in time to see this” he jerked his thumb to the other demon in the room “neanderthal attempt to bring you to court to sell you. And you do not want to be a demon’s familiar, now do you, dear? I suggest you prove our connection and he can be on his merry way.”

I looked at the other demon, his face still hidden behind the cloak, who had yet to speak. My eyes went back to Minias’, terrified. “How do I prove it?” His eye roll was patronizing. He stepped closer, taking my hand, murmuring more unknown Latin. I felt his hand draw the warmth from mine as he spoke, our heat transferring to our fingertips. A burst of light from our hands made me gasp loudly. After a moment, the cloaked demon snarled, then nodded, abruptly turning his back and walked out of the room, leaving me alone with Minias.

Into the Ever After...

I breathe in deeply as I feel the ley line pull me through to the Ever After. I’d been here once before, years ago, after I had graduated from college and first learned to teleport. Back then, I had been naïve, bright eyed and doleful, and my trip into the Ever After had been a wake up call to what the witch species had lived through.

Looking around now, a cold shiver runs down my spine and settles in my stomach. I had arrived in the dimensional mirror of New Orleans. I kept my breath shallow, telling myself I needed to stay quiet, but in actuality, I didn’t want to breathe in the air. It tasted dead, stale, and thick, like a closet that had been unopened all winter. The sky held a yellow haze, as if the sun wanted to get through but was trapped behind an amber blanket.

I jump as I hear a sound resembling a twig snapping, and scurry quickly into the shadows, keeping myself on guard. I push my back against the wall, feeling my pulse race, waiting for a long moment, my ears practically twitching as I listen. Nothing. I peer around the corner, taking in the scene slowly. No mistakes. Closing my eyes, I tap into a line, spindling the ley line energy into my head, ready to use in an instant. A smile curves up my lips when I feel the power swirl around my thoughts, as if being in the Ever After and using ley line magic was what I was born for.

As I open my eyes, my smile drops. Standing before me, staring at me with leering eyes were three demons, their faces hidden by the hoods of their black cloak. I cry out in fear, flinging my newly spindled line energy at them in an attempt to distract them long enough to escape, but it is futile. The three tap into a line simultaneously and hurl a wave of black magic at me, dissolving my white energy into nothing, and tearing through me, knocking me unconscious.

My past--Evelyn's history, part three

Shortly after Memphis' arrival, I started to feel weaker. I assumed it was because I overexerted myself, and needed rest. But it all came to a head when Memphis and I went to Rainbow Lake to bring her materials for the shop back to New Orleans. I'd constructed a box to carry everything in shorter trips, and after loading it up and brought it back, I felt drained and nauseous, and instantly got sick. Again, I assumed I had simply depleted my powers since I had been irresponsible on how I divided my abilities.

Memphis performed numerous charms and spells with her healing stones and chants, drawing out bad energy from my aura, and though I felt better, I was powerless. I could not teleport, I could not tap into a line. Each time I did, my head exploded and my stomach turned inside out, setting me right back to where I was. I was confused and concerned-- was I no longer a witch? The answer came to me when, while holding Severus' hand, I was able to teleport. Why then? I reflected over and over why... was it Severus? I eventually concluded that I had used his demon abilities to funnel my energy. But why?

I remembered my undeath from the Demon Minias, and realized what had made the difference. He had drained me of my vampire blood, so what was flowing through my veins now? Demon blood. Minias had given my life back to me in the same fashion a vampire is created. He replaced my blood with demon blood. So what did that leave me? A witch... or a demon? And even then- I had been brought back nearly three months ago, why would my powers fade now? I felt dumbstruck when I realized the only possible conclusion: Memphis. More specifically, her magick. She was a healer, the pure epitome of a white witch. And I... I was some crossbreed of good and evil, demon and witch. My aura was tainted with black smut and her magick could not expel it...

So Memphis moved out, to the apartment above our shop. The decision was propelled by my species issue, and the fact that Memphis did not approve of Severus, because he was a demon. Naturally, once I told her of my...delicate predicament, she was more considerate of my feelings toward him. She opened up about why she had such a prejudice against demons: Demons had sought and killed her parents, in an attempt to eliminate the witches of the north. Those demons still walk the earth, and though she doesn't seek revenge, she holds onto the bitterness of her parents death.

That left me alone to figure out my next step. Over and over I thought about why I could channel energy through Severus, but not on my own. I had always considered creating a familiar, like Nix, who is Memphis' cat. She can stream her earth magick through Nix, similar to how I pull energy though the ley line. After comparing Nix's power, to how I siphoned Severus', it became logical that to hold onto my power, to be able to be near Memphis and any of her white aura's abilities, I had to bond to a demon. Obviously, I could not use a living, breathing demon like Severus. I would never pull such large amounts of ley line energy through a demon attached to a human. Therefore, I must go into the Ever After and find a hopefully willing lesser demon.

The Ever After is a dangerous place for witch... Centuries ago, the witches had abandoned the Ever After to live in the mortal world. The demons who still reside there feel animosity towards the witches for deserting them, leaving some stranded. The Ever After became desolate, ransacked and ruined, filled with anger. And it's there I must go. It will be a blessing in disguise if I can slip in unnoticed, find a lesser, willing demon, and escape without being recognized as a witch. Which would mean they'd see me as a demon...

My past--Evelyn's history, part two

Without my friends, I never would have survived without Silas. They pushed me to get myself out of bed every day, to meet new people. They let me cry on their shoulders, and weren't afraid to tell me that I had made mistakes and I had to deal with the repercussions of them. I forced myself to keep busy. With my stronger powers, I stretched my limits. I could purge my energy into objects, thus creating charms that were just as dynamic as if I were casting them that second. I could call upon the ley lines and teleport anyone, from anywhere. I knew that these abilities could help many, so I decided I would open my very own shop.

The months I spent getting over Silas, I spent in my backyard, invoking charms. I built inventory, I thought of new ways to make life easier, for humans and supes. I kept busy. I went to bed exhausted every night, trying to sleep dreamless nights.

Soon I realized I needed a business partner. There was no way I could keep it afloat on my own, and each time I attempted a healing charm, it failed, or was weak. I called my best friend, Memphis, who went to school with me up north, in hopes she'd be able to move in with me. Thankfully, cold weather was not in her cards, and a southern change seemed gladly warranted. We got the ball rolling quickly- opening our shop in the French Quarter in New Orleans. Memphis owning Healing Rains, attached to my store Southern Charms by Evelyn.

Having Memphis live with me was just like old times. I needed my best friend with me. I needed her to tell me what was necessary- That life had to move on. Memphis was always my rock, and I don't know what I'd do without her these last few months.

So now Evelyn is finally back to Evelyn-- for the most part, man free. Which brings me to Severus. Finally, a man in my life who is intriguing, sexy and interested in me- even if it's just for the sex. He isn't ready for commitment, or at least, not with me, but I'm greatly enjoying the time I have with him now. It feels nice to be wanted, though it is superficial. Yes, he is a demon, but in the life I've lived, I've learned that what we are does not define who we are. Severus is a good man, and I am going to have to hold the clamps on my heart down with this one... I think he would be capable of breaking it.

My past--Evelyn's history, part one

It seems like so long ago now when I met Emanuel. He had been looking for someone, someone from his home country Greece, where he was the vampire king. He was charming, elusive, a bit of an edge of danger, and my type. Definitely my type. We hit it off on our walk along the beach... And after a rough patch, we realized we were in love. He proposed and three weeks later we were married. But before the wedding, Emanuel wanted me to become a vampire, to be with him forever. It was something I was not sure of at first, but I was scared I'd lose him, so I let him turn me. We created a bond so strong, he was always aware of where I was, how I felt, if I was scared. I even made him a charm that would teleport him to me at any moment. I thought... I was in love. That life was perfect.

But underneath laid a foundation of lies. I could not trust him. He would say he loved me, but then...I knew of his other life. The one he manipulated me with. It was that underlying mistrust that led me into Silas' arms. Yes, at the time, I was married. Yes, Silas and Alyce were together. It was wrong for us to do that to them. I should have left Emanuel first, he should have left Alyce, but we didn't intend to fall in love either. It started off as just sex. Hot...passionate...kinky sex. But soon...it became more. He loved me and I loved him, and I knew I couldn't stay with Emanuel. I had to fake it around him, and he knew it. He would say things like "Why do I feel like I'm losing her?" I knew I couldn't keep up the lie, so one night, I told him about Silas and me having an affair. He was torn up, and still wanted me, but then I told him we were in love. I destroyed him that night... And right after I had to tell Alyce, though it was something I resented Silas for later. He should have been the one to tell her- not me. But I did, and she was devastated. She attacked both of us for all to see... and then everyone knew of our treachery.

I had to escape. I knew I was bonded to Emanuel and as a vampire, I was faced with the eternity of him knowing my every move... I'd died to be with him, and I died inside knowing my everlasting fate. I did the only thing I could think of-- I called upon a demon. A powerful one, from the Ever After. This particular demon owed me a favor, and was therefore forced to do my bidding. I asked him to make me mortal again, and he had no choice. He drained me of my vampire blood, and I died again... When I woke, I found my powers had been rejuvenated. I could cast spells greater than ever before. I figured that being turned into vampire had weakened me, and my new stronger energy was it being reborn... Then I went back to Silas, as me.

It never got easy for us. There were too many secrets between Silas and me, and in the end it was my mistrust of HIM that broke us up. I loved him, I was happy, but it was short-lived. How can you trust someone who cheated on their last girlfriend? Because don't you always wonder if he's going to do it to you? He had claimed to love Alyce, and slept with me. How did I know he wasn't doing the same to me? Rumors upon rumors flew, accusations came out, and it consumed me. Finally, on a tearful night, we said goodbye.

For months I wanted him back, but I'd hurt him too many times, and he was right not to let me back into his life. I didn't want to give up hope... but I finally let him go. It was hard, but I moved on.